I have decided to move on in my life after having spent half my life working... What am I feeling? Guess I am feeling indifferent at this point of time since it was a decision long due for me. I know I will face my share of sadness because after all I was best known to be working and now I do not have anything to do anymore. Who said life was fair and square all the time :)
After 14 years, 01-Feb-13 was a day when I just couldn't bring myself to sleep. Not only did I leave my job but I also went through a lot of other emotions to add to my already existing saga of episodes. I hurt someone whom I cared for so much and I know no matter what I do, I cannot make up for that loss. That void will always be in my heart and there are so many questions I have in my mind which are unanswered. Why can't things be less complicated? Why should I have to make a choice between right and wrong? Why should I have to justify my actions to people whom I consider my good friends? Why should I feel that life will be not so easy henceforth?
Negative thought can make or break your life. In this particular moment I am feeling at loss of words and yet I am managing to pen down my thoughts... Which only means one thing... My brain is still functioning and unlike how hurt or disappointed I am with things that have happened... Life will just move on! I have decided to write this as a part of my dedication to one person who made an impact in my ever so boring life in the last few days of my end of career.
He was someone I hardly knew and someone whom I had a lot of weird perceptions about. I met him first almost 2 months back when I put down my papers and till date I am just trying to figure out what made me even think of him as one of the people who would make a difference. He was distant and focused of what he was doing and our interaction was very limited. If someone would have asked me 2 months back if I could ever be a friend to him; maybe I would have outright denied it. Like I said he was too different and unlike all the other friends / colleagues I have met.
Just a month back I happened to meet him again and something made us speak to each other... Some connection or maybe the fact that I was anyways moving on in life made him speak to me. I thought he was being good to me without even knowing the reason why... Trust me if anyone would have spoken to me in the last months with good intuition, I would have still just thought that it was more to do with my living work than to do anything with me persay! Anyways it was not like we hit it off well the minute we started speaking and all was well until the last week of my time at work...
We started chatting endlessly and it became an addiction to me (any kind of addiction can lead to a lot of damage in the future - hence learn to stay away from addiction). Such a tough addiction that I hardly wanted to spend even a single moment away and I wanted to hold onto every moment we spent together speaking about nothing in particular. Things were just fine until I made him feel conscious about how things were turning out to be... Maybe the expectation we both set for each other was more complicated than we thought. I have one very naive quality in me which is once I get close to people, I find it very hard to stay away from getting further closer.
In exactly 1 week's time, we got close to each other and we also have made each other's lives miserable (more from my end than his). And I do not know if we will ever speak to each other or not anymore after what I have done! I have lost a good friend whom I could confide in at any point of time (be it personal or professional) and I am not sure if I will ever learn from this a lesson which I should have learnt ages back! I will try and keep myself detached henceforth because being attached is surely not helping me and nor the other person involved.
This has been the same case when I got attached to "My Angel" first and now even we are going through a rough phase in life since I am unable to accept that she has grown to be a beautiful and smart woman who knows how to lead her life without having a nagging cousin around her all the time... So many times I have been told by my near and dear ones that being close is alright however getting yourself too attached and making it an addiction can only lead to complications, but I had to learn this the hard way after having lost so many relationships on the way to where I am now with this last one being the biggest blow for me (Like I said I do not really know what happened that got us connected in the first place and what is it that made us reach this stage of separation).
I take this opportunity to thank "Him" and all my other good friends for staying ariound and being there to tolerate my tantrums without making me feel how annoyingly irritating I was :) If in case I can make up now by saying a heartfelt "SORRY" for every little painful time I have given in the past, then please accept my apology. Something in me has woken up with the twisted relationship I had with this friend for a week and I am just hoping that this would probably be the second turning point of my life... To accept and realize my mistakes and to move on...
After 14 years, 01-Feb-13 was a day when I just couldn't bring myself to sleep. Not only did I leave my job but I also went through a lot of other emotions to add to my already existing saga of episodes. I hurt someone whom I cared for so much and I know no matter what I do, I cannot make up for that loss. That void will always be in my heart and there are so many questions I have in my mind which are unanswered. Why can't things be less complicated? Why should I have to make a choice between right and wrong? Why should I have to justify my actions to people whom I consider my good friends? Why should I feel that life will be not so easy henceforth?
Negative thought can make or break your life. In this particular moment I am feeling at loss of words and yet I am managing to pen down my thoughts... Which only means one thing... My brain is still functioning and unlike how hurt or disappointed I am with things that have happened... Life will just move on! I have decided to write this as a part of my dedication to one person who made an impact in my ever so boring life in the last few days of my end of career.
He was someone I hardly knew and someone whom I had a lot of weird perceptions about. I met him first almost 2 months back when I put down my papers and till date I am just trying to figure out what made me even think of him as one of the people who would make a difference. He was distant and focused of what he was doing and our interaction was very limited. If someone would have asked me 2 months back if I could ever be a friend to him; maybe I would have outright denied it. Like I said he was too different and unlike all the other friends / colleagues I have met.
Just a month back I happened to meet him again and something made us speak to each other... Some connection or maybe the fact that I was anyways moving on in life made him speak to me. I thought he was being good to me without even knowing the reason why... Trust me if anyone would have spoken to me in the last months with good intuition, I would have still just thought that it was more to do with my living work than to do anything with me persay! Anyways it was not like we hit it off well the minute we started speaking and all was well until the last week of my time at work...
We started chatting endlessly and it became an addiction to me (any kind of addiction can lead to a lot of damage in the future - hence learn to stay away from addiction). Such a tough addiction that I hardly wanted to spend even a single moment away and I wanted to hold onto every moment we spent together speaking about nothing in particular. Things were just fine until I made him feel conscious about how things were turning out to be... Maybe the expectation we both set for each other was more complicated than we thought. I have one very naive quality in me which is once I get close to people, I find it very hard to stay away from getting further closer.
In exactly 1 week's time, we got close to each other and we also have made each other's lives miserable (more from my end than his). And I do not know if we will ever speak to each other or not anymore after what I have done! I have lost a good friend whom I could confide in at any point of time (be it personal or professional) and I am not sure if I will ever learn from this a lesson which I should have learnt ages back! I will try and keep myself detached henceforth because being attached is surely not helping me and nor the other person involved.
This has been the same case when I got attached to "My Angel" first and now even we are going through a rough phase in life since I am unable to accept that she has grown to be a beautiful and smart woman who knows how to lead her life without having a nagging cousin around her all the time... So many times I have been told by my near and dear ones that being close is alright however getting yourself too attached and making it an addiction can only lead to complications, but I had to learn this the hard way after having lost so many relationships on the way to where I am now with this last one being the biggest blow for me (Like I said I do not really know what happened that got us connected in the first place and what is it that made us reach this stage of separation).
I take this opportunity to thank "Him" and all my other good friends for staying ariound and being there to tolerate my tantrums without making me feel how annoyingly irritating I was :) If in case I can make up now by saying a heartfelt "SORRY" for every little painful time I have given in the past, then please accept my apology. Something in me has woken up with the twisted relationship I had with this friend for a week and I am just hoping that this would probably be the second turning point of my life... To accept and realize my mistakes and to move on...
