Friends... Enemies... Frenemy!!!

I don't know what exactly is making me write this but I know for a fact that this is the only way I can get things out of my system and in the open. I have always lived my life surrounded by wonderful people in every stage of my life; how you value these wonderful relationships is what this is all about. At this age and time when I am alone (at least in the way everyone describes it) I hold on to these wonderful experiences of my life to make me strong. Yes, there are times when I feel lonely and cry over things, but then who does not? Every human being goes through such phases; some show it and some take it to their death beds without sharing it. Guess I am one of those people who shows or rather speak about their feelings. There is nothing right or wrong about showing or not showing your true feelings. It depends on how you feel about the whole concept and that is all that matters at the end of the day. I believe that as and when time passes by you should not regret anything that you wanted to say and didn't end up saying.

I have lived alone for way too long and maybe that is why every small relationship matters to me. People who have known me for ages or people who have known me just for months think that they know everything about me. Maybe they do; maybe they think do or maybe they just do not get it. I am going through a stage where I have suddenly, in the last 4 months gotten close to a few people. However it is not at all necessary that they feel the same way. They have their lives and their friends and family to deal with whereas I am wondering what it is that has made me so attached to these few people and what is it I crave or want from them.

Obviously like everyone my age; my insecurities are making me hold me onto things which were never meant to be. Maybe I should just learn to be happy with what I have and let go of the things that are just not meant to be. Is it possible or is it going to be hard? Guess only I can deal with the answers to these questions. I have tried to break ties off completely with people who have pretended to be my friends and well-wishers but it just does not happen because in this whole case I am the one who needs them more then they need me (trust me this is not just a statement but it is reality). They also need me; but only at times when they have no one around them. I need them always. “ALWAYS” cannot be defined more specifically since the word says it all. I wake up with a hope that one of them would remember to wish me and go to bed only once I know that the ones who matter to me are happy about how their day had been. What about my happiness? Happiness is what you want it to be. You can be happy by just eating an ice-cream or chocolate. You can be happy by doing what you like doing best. So why does “Happiness” have to be linked with how other human beings feel or what others go through?

While I am here sulking about not having any attention from the people who mean the world to me, one of them is watching movies with a friend, the other one is having a gala time with family; one is busy getting ready to go out for dinner with friends…and so on and so forth. But no one seems to care about what I’m doing. It is not because I do not have friends or family; it is more because I want few particular friends to be with me and not just physically but mentally too. Sounds like I am all selfish by wanting people around me all the time but then but then what are friends for if they do not understand the feelings without having to spell it out. I know men can be very bad at expressing how they feel or what they want…but then at the end of the day they are people too and they should know that there is always a reaction to what they say and do. Maybe that is also too much of an expectation; maybe they cannot handle so much attention without having a valid reason. I recently read a blog where one of my friend’s managed to capture how men are different from women (at least to a large extent on how they handle emotions) and I agree with every word written. In the end of the day I have learnt a lesson; “Happiness” is something that comes from within and should not be linked to useless people who have no time to care or understand about your feelings since they have their own saga to deal with.

I end this blog with a thought…

"Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end." –- Author Unknown.

PS: This blog has been edited and reviewed before it got published.